If Wishes Were Fishes Read online

  "No," all three of them said in horrified unison.

  "All right, good, that'd be odd," Hiraeth said, a strange tension in his voice. He came around the shelving unit and offered Keith a glass of water. "I hate to run but I'm heading back out. I don't want to leave Lucas alone right now."

  Those were not the words he wanted or expected to hear. Stomach flip-flopping, Keith stared up at him, knuckles going white on the glass. "What…?"

  Hiraeth glanced toward the door into the front, then lowered his voice. "Some girls came in shopping. From what he said, his sister was among them. They left, he's fine, he wanted a moment to recover, but… I don't want to leave him by himself if he's sad, right? But he insisted I bring you your water."

  Keith didn't remember getting up, but he was on his feet instantly. The container holding the keys had fallen from his lap and were clattering to the ground in what felt like a slow-motion waterfall. "I'll go with you," he said

  "Your headache—"

  Keith chugged the glass of water—no longer a relief, and now only a barrier to seeing Lucas sooner—then set it down on a clear spot on the shelf. "It's fine," he told Hiraeth. Turning to the others, he told them, "I'll be back shortly," in a voice that sounded panicked even to himself.

  He didn't wait for their answer, didn't even want to risk they'd try to hold him back, and pushed Hiraeth out ahead of him as they headed into the shop.

  ***

  Lucas was seated on the counter the same way that Hiraeth tended to do, his legs dangling, his arms braced behind himself against the surface as much as he could brace against anything, his head tilted back as he gazed up at the ceiling.

  Keith's heart ached, seeing Lucas in such a forlorn pose. "Hey," he called softly.

  Lucas didn’t look at him, and although Keith couldn't be sure he'd heard his quiet call, he knew that Lucas could feel that he was closer than before. He could feel it himself, that release of the tension between them as the tether that bound them slackened.

  He wasn't sure if he should be relieved or sorry that Hiraeth had waited until the girls had left to come to get him. On a practical level, he was sure Hiraeth had to; he was his shop's only worker, after all, and he needed to be there both to help if they needed anything, and to make sure that they, normal humans, weren't handling any of his special items in any dangerous way.

  Still, he didn't like the idea that Lucas had gone unseen and unheard when his sister was right there in front of him, that Keith hadn't been there to in some way help translate Lucas's needs and feelings. Even though Hiraeth was able to see and hear Lucas, he didn't know the history—wouldn't have known who she was until Lucas had managed to say anything.

  Keith hadn't seen Shaunee since Lucas's funeral. He wouldn't have known what to say to her if he had. She'd never said anything unpleasant to him, but Keith could only imagine that he was little more to her than the cause of her brother's death. The fact that Lucas had thrown himself into the road to save a stranger might say the world about her brother's personality, but that didn't mean anybody would want to spend any amount of time with the stranger who lived on instead.

  Hesitantly, he came over, leaning against the front counter and putting a hand on Lucas's.

  Finally, Lucas glanced down at Keith. Although Keith had worried that there might be a void there instead of his expression, that ghostly loss of self—instead, there was just exhaustion and grief

  "I'm okay," Lucas said to the unasked question. "I mean, not great. You know, right?"

  "Yeah," Keith said. He did his best to wind his fingers together with Lucas's. "Jeez. I'm sorry."

  Lucas shook his head slowly and smiled. It looked tentative, like he was trying it on for size, but genuine regardless. "Nah. I mean… it was good to see her. She's doing okay. She looks healthy and happy and she's… you know, growing up. I guess she'll be entering college in a year or two. There's worse ways to see her than laughing with her friends."

  "I just wish…" Keith let it trail off, gritting his teeth. He wished a lot of things, none of which were particularly great when it came to the subject of Lucas dying to save his life. He tried again: "It'd be nice if you could talk to her a little. Reassure her or whatever."

  "Sure. 'Hey, I'm dead, but doing okay'."

  "Yeah, that," Keith said. He smiled weakly, leaning his face into the cold spot where Lucas's chest was. "Or just even if you could see more of her."

  Lucas sighed softly. "If wishes were fishes…"

  "I don't know about granting wishes," Hiraeth said, coming over and also leaning in, rubbing his cheek against the spot where Lucas was more like a needy cat than some kind of deer cryptid, "but she might come back tomorrow, if you two want to be around then." He seemed anxious, eager to please, and Keith wondered how rough it had been on Lucas at the time, and what Hiraeth had seen.

  "Tomorrow…?" Lucas went a little wide-eyed, gazing down at him. "What do you mean?"

  Hiraeth pulled away to gesture at a section of shelf with several porcelain dolls on it. Keith, whose recent encounters with dolls were less than positive, couldn't quite withhold a shiver. "She was eyeing one of those."

  Lucas nodded quickly, almost eager. "She does love dolls. She's got a little collection, yeah, or used to."

  "I told her it was on major sale and I just hadn't got around to changing the tag yet, and that I thought I had some accessories for it in the back I could dig up if she came back tomorrow," Hiraeth said. He rubbed the back of the neck. "I thought I could buy you some time if there was anything you… you know, wanted me to say or to do or… anything like that."

  For a moment, Keith thought Lucas was going to cry. His brows drew in and his face screwed up, but he just nodded again instead, letting out a rough, wet sigh. "… thanks, man. I'll… have to think about it."

  "I don't know if she will come back," Hiraeth said, clearly a little nervous, almost babbling. "She said she'd try to, which a lot of people use as a polite no, and even if they mean it as a yes that doesn't always mean they make it. But, you know, come here tomorrow anyway and we can hope."

  "We'll need another day to finish looking at the stuff in the back anyway," Keith admitted. "You've got a lot there and trying to compare it is… a bit time-consuming."

  "And headache-inducing, I know." Hiraeth slid an arm around Keith's waist, tugging him closer too, leaning on him. "I appreciate it. I really do."

  Warmth flooded Keith, pushing back the anxiety and grief and hints of resentment. He leaned against Hiraeth too, pressing closer, one hand still holding Lucas's. "I know. It's fine. We'd like to help."

  "Are you three done out here?" Avi called. Keith glanced over, startled, and saw his glowering face framed in the partially open door to the back room.

  "More or less!" Hiraeth called back, though Keith could feel his body tense at the timing. Between them, Lucas drew a deep breath, schooling his expression again, and Keith tried to do the same.

  But Hiraeth hadn't finished. "That said, I'm going to call it a day for all of us. It'll take a while yet, so let's finish it off tomorrow, or Keith's going to burn his second sight out before he's done, and that'll take him a lot longer to recover from, yeah?"

  Avi looked like he was going to protest, then just shrugged. "I guess," he said sullenly.

  "And besides," Hiraeth said soothingly, "I don't know about you, but I'm getting hungry. Let's all have a nice dinner together and try to relax, okay?"

  "Sure," Avi said. He glanced behind him, presumably getting the Snakeskin Girl's opinion, then nodded again.

  "Together?" Keith mumbled reluctantly. He glanced at Lucas, but Lucas was gazing toward the front door which his sister had gone through earlier, not looking at either of them.

  Hiraeth's arm tightened against his side, then loosened, both quick gestures. "Oh—no, I imagine you'll want to be getting back to your dorm." He smiled at Keith, but something about it seemed false, anxious. "You should get some rest."
r />   Keith reacted to that pain in Hiraeth almost without considering it. "No, it's fine," he said. "Let's have dinner together."

  It wasn't what he'd wanted to say—he knew Avi didn't like him, and, in return, he didn't much like Avi. But…

  It had the hoped-for result: Hiraeth's face lighting up with relief, a more genuine smile crossing it again.

  Hiraeth loved his son, Keith reminded himself. And Hiraeth loved him and Lucas both. Besides, weren't awkward family gatherings part and parcel of having a boyfriend?

  Maybe, Keith told himself, it would actually be the most normal part of his life right now.

  chapter five

  They ate dinner on the floor in Hiraeth's flat. He pushed what little furniture he had against the walls, and they all sat in a circle to eat lentil pasta with artichoke hearts.

  Keith was pretty sure it was the best thing he’d ever eaten. He considered the possibility that he was just really hungry after using his powers all day, but no—it was just that good. Hiraeth had offered to get Keith something with more meat—the Snakeskin Girl needed to order something like that anyway, so he could have just added onto her order—but he'd decided to share in Hiraeth's meal out of a weird desire to make a show of solidarity, and didn’t regret his choice.

  Even those who weren't eating joined their circle. Lucas sat between Keith and the Snakeskin Girl, cross-legged and seeming in much better spirits. Fish was there too, his bowl placed between the Snakeskin Girl and Avi.

  "He likes to be included," the Snakeskin Girl had explained, unasked, when she'd put the fishbowl down there. "He'd get lonely if we just left him downstairs."

  It made sense. The general mood Keith had been sensing off Fish had dimmed a little the longer their search had taken, a nearly visible depression taking over him. Being included seemed to improve it again—if still with an undercurrent of frustration.

  Though, to be fair, Keith wasn't sure if that was really Fish's feeling, due to their lack of luck and his inability to contribute to the conversation, or his own. He didn't know a thing to say to Avi, and every time he tried, he just remembered Avi accusing him of being careless with Hiraeth's feelings.

  Keith didn't think he was. The way Hiraeth beamed at them around the circle, apparently just delighted to have his boyfriends and his son's group together, made him feel surer than ever that it was okay. And even if it wasn't, it was Hiraeth's choice to make.

  But then, Avi had known Hiraeth a lot longer than he had…

  "He looks sad," the Snakeskin Girl said, and Keith jumped, worrying that she'd meant him. But she was gazing into Fish's bowl. Sure enough, Fish's fins were a little droopy.

  "He's probably hungry too," Avi said mournfully. He pulled a little container of fish flakes out of his pocket and shook it into the bowl. "You dumb fucking fish. Eating this shit… when you get better, I'm gonna make fun of you for a year. A decade. Just get better, okay?"

  The Snakeskin Girl laughed a little wryly, curled unnaturally around her own legs as she ducked down to watch Fish bob to the surface and gulp some of the flakes down. "You don't need to, 'cause eating that is its own punishment," she declared. "I really hope we do find something soon…"

  "What are your plans if you don't?" Hiraeth asked, expression serious again. "I don't mind contacting people in my trade network and seeing if they have anything, or if I can find someone who's able and willing to counter-curse, but that might take a while… and you know that counter-curses have their own cost."

  Keith didn't, but they both seemed to, and made displeased faces at the idea.

  "We'll just have to find something," Avi muttered. "Worst comes to worst, I'll pay the cost."

  The Snakeskin Girl put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, squeezing. "Not alone."

  "Well… hopefully it won't come to that," Hiraeth said. "Any ideas?" He was looking at Keith and Lucas now.

  It was probably just to keep them from being left out, but Keith's heart began to beat faster at the sudden attention anyway, his anxiety spiking again at Avi and the Snakeskin Girl paying him attention again. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "I'm really getting to know Fish's aura, his feelings, but…"

  "But?" the Snakeskin Girl asked.

  "Well, I could maybe…" Clenching his hands to try to get some feeling into them again, he glanced aside at Lucas. Lucas had been there with him through everything, and was the best source of a second opinion at all times. If it was a bad idea to suggest it, Lucas would make that clear.

  Lucas cleared his throat, nodding. "If solving it's going to require some danger anyway, maybe Keith could go a bit deeper than he has so far?"

  Keith let out a breath, a little relieved that he wasn't the one to have to say it. "Yeah. If the curse is keeping him locked in there… I mean, I've worked with that sort of thing before. Minds trapped by their vessel…"

  They were both staring at him, and he tried not to think too hard about last time, about being absorbed into a strange mindscape of dolls and war.

  “Explain,” Avi said demandingly. The Snakeskin Girl cast him a quickly chiding glance, but she too had her attention intent on Keith.

  Keith drew a breath, stomach churning. "Um, I met someone who got forced into a vessel that wasn't natural to her, and the whole situation made her forget who she was. I was able to go inside and unlock that and when I did that, she was able to force the vessel to become her own, even though it wasn't originally suitable."

  "He does know who he is, though," the Snakeskin Girl reminded him. "We don't know much, but we do know that."

  "Yeah… I know, I believe you," Keith said. "But maybe there's still something inside him that an outside perspective could help notice and undo."

  "Going into his mind…" Avi muttered uncertainly, eyeing Keith warily, as if he were somehow more dangerous for even suggesting it. “You can really do that?”

  Keith nodded, but somehow, the gesture slowly mutated into a headshake instead. "Only if he lets me. I don't think I could go in without his permission if he's his full self—I'm pretty sure he could keep me out. But, no, it's not… fun? For either of us. It's a little risky. If I'm inside his mind, his person, it's… beyond even sharing a vessel. I could literally alter his… his symbols? I know you guys are built around symbols, your alignments, and that's what your form and personality are all about. And, for me, if he gets protective of something, I'm pretty sure he could destroy my soul in there." He swallowed. "So I mean, it might not be the best choice."

  "No way," Avi said, frowning heavily. "We're not doing it—we'll find something tomorrow or we'll pay a cost we do know. You're too careless for me to trust you with his soul."

  This again. Keith looked down, stung.

  The Snakeskin Girl grimaced. "I mean, it's worth considering…"

  "No. Flat out. We'll just keep looking at items tomorrow like we did today. He can help out that way…" Avi did nod to Keith, a begrudging gratitude on his face. "But… thanks. I get that it's dangerous to you and you offered anyway."

  Relieved and disappointed all at once, Keith nodded back. "Sure, I get it," he said. "No problem."

  Hiraeth shot him a strangely shy smile, his eyes bright and his lips wobbly. Keith didn't know if Hiraeth was pleased that he'd made the offer, or pleased that his son had thanked him, or pleased that Keith had accepted the thanks so easily—or anything else.

  But he could tell that Hiraeth was pleased, was looking at him as if Keith had offered him some unexpected gift, and Keith smiled back, ducking his head.

  It was the other way around, he thought. Hiraeth's first impulse when he'd heard his son's family was coming was to involve Keith. It was a scary gift for so many reasons—starting with Avi's personality and ending with the Keith feeling obliged to help with a curse—but…

  It was a gift nonetheless.

  ***

  When dinner was done, Avi and the Snakeskin Girl carried Fish back to their van, leaving the rest of them alone.


  Hiraeth rolled over with a groan, relaxing all at once and flopping his feet against Keith's legs. "I'm sorry, Keith, m'love," he said, before Keith even had a chance to speak. His face was out of sight from this angle, but his tone was wryly mournful. "He's a handful."

  "I see that," Keith agreed, rueful. He squeezed one of Hiraeth's feet lightly, feeling his toes wiggle under the touch. Hiraeth was back to normal now, here with just the three of them. He'd seemed off somehow when the others were around, even flightier than usual and eager to please, and it made Keith's heart flutter a little to realize how much Hiraeth must relax around them.

  Lucas flopped down on the floor next to Hiraeth, sitting cross-legged by him. "Are there some issues with you and his ma or something…?"

  Hiraeth propped himself up on his elbows, his other foot squirming playfully up Keith's thigh. Keith caught that one too. "Not as I'm aware," Hiraeth said lightly. "She and I weren't in love, but I love her regardless and we make good enough friends. She lives pretty far away, so we don't see each other all that often, but if something were wrong I'd expect one of them to tell me."

  "I hope you know how weird it is that you've got a kid who looks my age while you also look my age. I really wasn't expecting to have to deal with jealous children." To take away any possible sting, Keith pushed at Hiraeth's feet casually, bending his knees.

  Hiraeth permitted it, cycling absently. "Hardly my fault that your kind live briefly but at such a rapid pace," he said, tone growing even warmer, even more wry. "Honestly, you might meet my grandkids sometimes. I don't think he has any, but some of my others do—and those grandkids are older than you too."

  "Weird old man," Lucas teased gently. "Gonna give Keith a complex. Not me, though, I'm untouchable." A blatant lie, but it wasn't like either of them would call him on it. Lucas leaned over, running a hand over Hiraeth's forehead, and Hiraeth turned his face into that. "You okay, though? You're seeming kind of run-down compared to your usual, uh, joie de vivre."