Only Human Page 4

  "Motivation, huh… I do need to put more of that in, but if he's someone who'd watch her for a while, he'd realize she wasn't involved and then there's no story."

  Saul let himself lean against Theo's arm a little, a bit of a guilty pleasure. "What if," he began, "she's suspicious too? She's nervous after finding the body and wants to find out what happened. Sometimes, I mean, when something shakes you out of your status quo, you don't want to just do the easy thing. You're having her want to forget about it and move on, but does she have to be that sort of character?"

  Theo looked at him oddly. "You're right," he said slowly, as if coming to some kind of realization. He stared down at his hands. "Maybe that's why I'm struggling with this. She's too passive."

  "Yeah, maybe," Saul said. "I mean, I like her as a character, but…"

  "No, I'll think about it," Theo agreed. He closed his computer. "But I should spend some time planning that out before writing more."

  Saul realized that Theo's coffee cup was empty, and he gulped his own half-cup quickly, ignoring the burn. "Yeah," he said. "Heading out?"

  "Want to come with me?" Theo offered. Saul's stomach did a little flip-flop. "There's some nice walks near my apartment, and maybe I can bounce some more ideas off you on the way."

  "Sure," Saul said, trying so hard to not sound eager that it almost came out in a wheeze. "I mean, yeah, sure." Much cooler. "Sounds great."

  They headed out, and Theo nodded off to a side street. "My apartment's just over there. Do you mind if I drop my computer off first?"

  "No, makes sense," Saul said. He followed Theo to a house and then up the steps along the side to his door. Theo entered and waved him in after.

  The place was small and a bit sad looking: a bachelor pad with a worn carpet, a couch, and a kitchenette in the same room. There was a desk and a bookshelf, and otherwise no real furniture. No bed at all, unless the couch was a pull-out. The only two doors in it were open to show a closet and a bathroom nearly the size of the closet. No bath in there, Saul could see, only a shower. He imagined Theo hunched under that short spray and winced a little at the thought. Not that most baths would fit him comfortably either.

  "It's not much," Theo said, almost apologetically, "but it's home." He put his computer bag on the desk chair and pulled out the computer.

  "Mind if I use your bathroom before we head back out?"

  "Go ahead."

  Saul did, more out of an excuse to splash his face than anything else. Face dripping and feeling only marginally better, he raised his head to look in the bathroom mirror and check himself, and realized there wasn't one. He stared at the wall blankly for a long moment. He didn't want to assume anything from it—the apartment was obviously cheap and older, and places like that had strange features. Saul himself had once stayed in a place where the bathroom didn't have any outlets. But still, he had to wonder if it was deliberate on Theo's part.

  The thought was a bit lonely.

  He shook himself and finger-combed his hair with his damp hands. Hoping he still looked at least a little presentable, he dried his face off on his shirtfront rather than use one of Theo's towels—didn't quite dare stick his face in one knowing he'd be inhaling Theo's scent—and headed back out.

  Theo was standing by the doorway, hunched slightly, seeming a bit self-conscious. "Ready? I promise the neighborhood is at least nice."

  "Your place is fine," Saul protested quickly. "I used to live in the dorms, so you know…"

  Before he could quite come up with the rest of the protest, Theo waved Saul out ahead of him, locking up behind himself. The two of them went back down the outside stairs. "Not anymore, though," Theo noted. "Got tired of dorm life?"

  "It's for freshmen only," Saul said. "But yeah, that too. It was always noisy, and it was hard to get away from seeing people. No space, either. You could spit from one side of the room to the other."

  "Which I hope you didn't," Theo said, corner of his lips twitching up. "I don't know. It doesn't sound so bad to be surrounded by people."

  Saul shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. It was hard to explain how he'd felt back then, and the words came out haltingly when he tried. "I like to vanish sometimes. When I'm feeling down, I mean. Disappear into my room and not come out. Not see anyone for a while. Hard to do that when you share a bathroom with the entire floor."

  "Maybe that's for the best," Theo said quietly. "When you're the type of person who wants to vanish sometimes, it's good to have something that stops you from it."

  Opening his mouth to ask what Theo meant, Saul found the words choking in his throat. He'd forgotten, somewhere in the middle of this, that Theo had been a missing person case. That he'd gotten up to go, by himself, far away from anyone else, and just… never came back.

  He drew a slow breath in and asked cautiously, "Do you get lonely?"

  "Everyone gets lonely," Theo said, not meeting his gaze. "I'm only human."

  The incongruity of the statement hit them both at once. Theo jerked his head up and laughed it off before Saul could find something to say.

  "Well," Theo added, "mostly. I just mean that, of course I don't have a lot of—I don't know many… well, there's work."

  "Most humans don't give you the time of day," Saul said.

  "There's Dr. Richardson."

  "Who you don't address by first name," Saul pointed out.

  No wonder. No wonder Theo had wanted to take a chance on him, make some kind of connection, even when he felt like Saul was using him. It was amazing that he'd had enough pride to even tell Saul he was feeling that way, to stand up for himself even if he was putting an opportunity at risk.

  "What about other zombies?" he found himself asking.

  "Most choose to go back to rest," Theo answered idly. He was watching the path in front of him. It was a nice walk, as he'd said, winding through a natural wooded park in the middle of the city, trees making the place seem almost isolated.

  "I'm glad you didn't," Saul said after a moment. "But why didn't you?"

  Theo was silent for a long moment. "Spite," he said, and then laughed ruefully. Saul looked up at him in surprise; he couldn't imagine a less spiteful person. He hadn't even been spiteful when he was calling Saul out. "I think my parents truly wished that I had been murdered. If I'd named a killer, they'd have been able to wash their hands of any guilt. Put their minds to rest. They brought me back to feel better about themselves. I really didn't feel peaceful about that. I hadn't meant to die originally, but I can't say I wasn't taking my chances. It didn't make me feel any better, but I don't want my life and death to be about other people. So I'm just trying to live the best life I can now."

  Saul said, "Oh," in a voice that sounded strange to his own ears. He reached out, bumped the back of Theo's hand with his own, offering, and tried not to seem too surprised when Theo took it.

  They walked in silence for a while before Theo cleared his throat. "Anyway," he said. "About this killer."

  It took a moment for Saul to follow the sudden change of subject. He squeezed his hand on Theo's, feeling dwarfed in it, fingertips barely able to curl. "About the killer," he agreed.

  They bounced ideas around awkwardly for a while, walking together. It was hard to match strides, Theo so much taller, but they did their best. As they returned to Theo's apartment, Saul tugged his hand. "Tomorrow," he said. "It's the season finale of Death and the Deep Dark Sky."

  "Yeah," Theo said, almost confused by the subject change. He rolled with it, though. "Looking forward to it."

  "Want to come see it at my place?"

  Theo stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looking down at him. "Are you sure? The neighbors—"

  "It's really not their business who I have over or why," Saul said bluntly. Fuck the neighbors, he thought. I don't even know their names. "I'd like you there."

  Despite that, Theo hesitated, looking at him like he was weighing something in him. Saul felt his heart begin to sink, but somehow whatever Theo saw in h
is face seemed to put him at ease. "All right," Theo said.

  And then he bowed over Saul fully, kissing him on the mouth, soft and light. The cool pressure against his lips was suddenly the only thing on Saul's mind, hyper-focused on that point of connection.

  Theo pulled back before Saul could do anything in response, freeing his hand from Saul's in the same motion. "Thanks," Theo said softly. "This was a nice date."

  The world expanded again. Saul could still smell Theo's cologne, feel a ghost of that pressure on his mouth, and it left him dumb, afraid that if he spoke he'd lose the sensation forever.

  He wanted to feel it as long as he could.

  Shit, he thought. I really would do it. Even though he's a zombie. He's the goddamn living dead, and I want to haul him back down the stairs and put him in my mouth.

  I really want him.

  I really like him.

  Saul watched Theo turn, walk up the steps, head to his door, and tried to wipe away whatever strange look was contorting his face when Theo turned back at the top and waved.

  *~*~*

  Theo showed up just a little early, at quarter-to, but Saul was already ready. He hadn't felt the need to psyche himself out too much, was wearing jeans and a loose flannel shirt, and had just a little gel run through his hair. Theo was dressed in a much more dapper style—slacks, dress shirt, tie—and for a moment Saul felt under-dressed, but Theo said "You look great," in a tone of genuine admiration, and the moment passed quickly.

  He hadn't turned off the video game he'd been playing, and found himself bursting into an unexpected grin as Theo's eyes lit up when saw it. "Wow, I haven't played that since I was a kid," he said. "I bet I still remember all the ocarina tunes."

  Saul grinned. He tried to imagine classy, well-dressed Theo as a grubby child playing video games and couldn't. Couldn't even imagine what he might have looked like in his own body, alive. But then, he could see what Theo would look like doing it now, and kind of liked the idea. "When the show's done, want to play?"

  "Yeah, of course," Theo said enthusiastically.

  They crowded onto the sofa together. Saul leaned against Theo as he switched the source from console to cable. Theo's side was cool against him, but Saul felt warm enough for both of them and didn't think it was the fever.

  It took forever for the show to start, but when it did, he found himself almost more absorbed in Theo than in the finale. Theo was cute when he was watching TV. He was way more reactive than he'd been in public at the movie: murmuring at surprises, eyes fixed on the screen, grinning at the rare joke. Something in Saul's stomach kept flopping around—pleasantly, for once—and he found himself wishing the show was significantly funnier so he'd see more of that smile.

  It more than made up for the fact that the plot itself was a serious disappointment. When it was over, they both sat in silence for a few moments, watching the end credits run.

  "Alien vampire baby," Saul said regretfully into the quiet.

  Theo burst out laughing. "Alien vampire baby," he agreed. "Told you."

  "I," Saul said, dragging the sound out, "am not sure I can watch next season." That caused Theo to laugh even harder, which was well worth having sat through that episode. "I'm just not sure this is what I want from the show."

  "Are you kidding?" Theo asked, gold eyes bright with mirth. "I'm going to be glued to it."

  Saul laughed too and then switched the TV's input back to his console, where he'd left the game idling. "I can promise you entertainment with no aliens or vampires at all," he said. "Maybe some babies. Want to play?"

  Theo made a 'gimme' gesture with his fingers until Saul handed the controller over. It seemed too small in his hands, but he clearly knew his way around it. Theo checked Saul's equipment assignments, still laughing quietly under his breath. "You'll have to guide me a little," he said. "It's been a long time since I've played."

  "I was in the middle of a quest, actually. We have to head north next—" Saul settled in comfortably against him. His throat hurt, and his skin was aching again, but the coolness of Theo's body was strangely soothing, and helped keep his mind off it.

  He stayed there quietly for the next few hours, just watching Theo play except when Theo asked for help. He wanted nothing to break the moment—

  His stomach growled.

  "You're hungry," Theo said, sounding almost chagrined.

  "Kinda, yeah," Saul said. It occurred to him abruptly that he hadn't offered Theo anything—no snacks, no drinks. What a good host I am. Quality date material, Saul Jastrow. "Do you want dinner?"

  Theo tilted his head, looking down at him. "I actually don't have to eat," he said after a moment, his tone suddenly awkward again. "The magic that reanimated me is really all that I, uh, need."

  Saul felt himself go a little red. The urge to apologize rose and fell—it hadn't actually been a refusal. "You can, though, right? We had coffee together before and you drank, so…" he trailed off, then tried again. "You don't have to if you don't want to! But if you enjoy it, I mean, if you want to…"

  "I have missed it," Theo admitted. He wasn't blushing, unlike Saul, and Saul found himself wondering if he even could—the look on his face seemed like he should be red up to his ears. "It just seems like a waste of money most days? But I mean, it's… Nobody likes to eat alone, right?"

  "I'll pull something together," Saul said. "I'm not much of a cook, but if you hate it, it's not like you'll be left hungry if you decide not to eat." He rose. Theo looked up after him, and Saul considered for one embarrassing moment kissing Theo's forehead, but under the circumstances, he wasn't sure that would be welcome.

  Though he wasn't sure it wouldn't be, either, not after Theo had kissed him. He dithered a moment and, thinking his hovering might be getting weird, turned quickly to head to the kitchen.

  Saul heard the game go on pause. "Hey, let me help," Theo protested, the couch groaning as he rose. "It's your game. I don't want to just keep playing without you while you slave away on a meal I can't even fully appreciate."

  "Good point," Saul said, and grinned back at him. "Help chop things?"

  "Can do."

  I could get used to this, Saul thought as Theo obligingly chopped the vegetables Saul handed him, hunched strangely over the counter with his too-massive height. They ate at the kitchen table—Theo with a much smaller portion ("No point wasting food," he'd said. "I'm eating for flavor."), and Saul with a full plate and enough remaining in the pan that he'd have leftovers tomorrow.

  "It's good," Theo said, though, with his mouth full.

  "You're calling my food good?" Saul asked dubiously. "When's the last time you actually ate dinner?"

  "I'm pretty sure I can count it in years," Theo admitted, with a mournful laugh.

  "Maybe we can fix that," Saul said, too-casual. "If you want to."

  Theo hesitated a moment, glancing over at Saul with something open and unguarded in his gaze. Saul's heart seemed to stutter in his chest. "Maybe we can," Theo said.

  After dinner was done, Theo took the dishes to the counter and started to roll up his sleeves to wash them. That strange moment still lingering in him, still dithering from earlier, Saul followed and caught his shoulder. "Hey—leave them," he said.

  Maybe it was a risk, still. But he didn't want to miss his chance either.

  "Really, I don't mind," Theo began, but Saul leaned up and kissed him.

  It wasn't easy. Theo was too tall by far, taller than any human was ever likely to get, and since Saul had tried to surprise him, he didn't have the benefit of Theo leaning down to make it easier—had only lowered his head the small distance he'd ducked when Saul had turned him around. Theo's lips were cool under his, stiffening with surprise for a moment before softening. Saul tried to keep it light, to keep it the same kind of kiss that Theo had given him the day before.

  It was hard. He wanted to press it, to show Theo how attracted he was, how happy he was with this evening. He wanted to give Theo back what Theo had given him. Thanks.
This was a nice date. But the ball wasn't in his court; all he could do was match Theo, not take the next step.

  One of Theo's hands slid into the small of Saul's back, and Theo leaned down into the kiss properly, mouth fitting against Saul's firmly, even a little roughly. Theo's lips parted, his tongue just barely sliding out to trace the line of Saul's lips, the soft wet pass sending a shiver through him.

  Oh. Relief washed over him, and he opened his mouth for Theo.

  Theo tasted different than he'd expected. Despite everything, he'd been bracing himself a little for… something, some kind of undercurrent of rotten meat, or something unpleasant like that. Instead, Theo's lips were almost sweet—a strange side effect, perhaps, of how little he ate normally, or even of the magic in his body. But if that was strange, the rest was viscerally right, the feeling of a mouth moving against his, testing his reactions, gaining strength and confidence when he reacted well, when he opened his mouth and pressed up into it and kissed back, tongue rubbing along Theo's, mouth catching at his lower lip.

  Theo let out a little groan, pulling Saul more closely against him—not completely, though, not pressed to him. Getting shy? Saul wondered, not wanting to push if that was the case. The thought of hurting Theo like that, while Theo was letting him closer like this, was horrible.

  But as he shifted, trying to decide if he should move away, he realized it was just a matter of anatomy. Theo was too damn tall, had to bend to kiss him, and if Saul tried to keep kissing while pushing his body against Theo's, he had to force himself into a back bend that was sharply uncomfortable. It was a little inconvenient, but also pretty exciting.

  Theo broke the kiss finally and let Saul straighten. The tension in him snapped into hard relief, heat coursing through him, almost crawling over his skin. He drew a sharp, ragged breath.

  "Okay?" Theo asked carefully, tone cautious.

  "More than okay," Saul blurted immediately, words thick in his mouth. "Great. Excellent. I love it." And then, because Theo's caution always seemed like he was in some kind of pain, Saul slid his hand down around to touch Theo's cheek instead. "What about you? Okay? Do you want to stop?"